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MATTS-MATICS: NY Jets vs NY Rangers |
BRAVE Fan Talks REDSKINS
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SABRES, PENS, SHOTGUNS & METS |
BILL BUCKNER WAS INNOCENT |
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Spring Break Training PART I |
Spring Break Training PART II |
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Cookie
Posts:615
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| 08-22-2008 - SelecA - |
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NOWHERE-WITH-SNY, FAR EAST ASIA
As I leave nearly a week out at the beach (tucked away from the Glitterati who stalk me), I lament the loss of summer as I enjoy my last late season heirloom tomatoes and some good corn (finally the crop came in)! But, I press forward, pick up myself by the flip-flop straps and look forward to some of the heartwarming treats of the fall.
Soon here to save us from the ump-teen odd day drudgery of the Olympics is the fresh fall season of TV. I can’t wait. While I said I was going to boycott the Olympics, I was sucked in by the primetime void and my lack of energy to do anything cerebrally productive. I’ve had my fill of gymnastics, swimming, diving and even am ready to Bolt track. (Especially as our U.S. Track Team can’t seem to be able to pass and hold a relay baton!)
For the fall TV season, I give you my reality show confession. I love ‘The Amazing Race.’ If you’ve never seen it.. the premise is teams of two (e.g. gay flight attendants/best friends, washed up pro-wrestlers, ex-boy/girlfriends, mother/sons, tall person/little person, etc.) compete over a month time period in a race around the world. Along the way, they need to complete different culturally relevant (read: embarrassing) tasks, do inane puzzles, eat weird things.. and most importantly, survive the personality nuances of their beloved teammates.
There’s plenty of bleeped out swearing, crying, and fighting as the teams fumble their way around the world. (Some of the best insults I’ve ever heard have been uttered on this race.) While traveling through several countries (including non-English speaking ones) by planes, trains and automobiles, the humor that ensues oft times rivals the Candy/Martin travelogues.
The only possible way this show could get any better is if some of our favorite MLB Players enlisted in the ‘Race Around the World.’ Submitted for your approval, here are a few of the teams who’d be perfect for The Amazing Race.
The Pitcher(s) of Debauchery : David Wells and Babe Ruth
These two would do exceptionally well due to their bacchanalian ways. The Race has had more than a few tasks involving drinking Belgian Beer, Russian Vodka and other spirits. Ruth’s legendary stats on and off the field and Wells ability to perform while hung over (which might include that Perfect Game…we’ll never know) would put them way ahead in these types of tasks.
RACE WINNING ABILITY: 6: While Ruth and Wells would perform tasks well after tossing back a few, they might get stuck at the bar.
The Prince and the Pervert: David Wright and David Cone
A team of two Mets is one you (Mutts fans) would have to root for. David Wright’s smarts, cool head and winning personality would have the team charming the pants off everyone around the world. Unfortunately, David Cone’s heavy breather status would get them into trouble with pants off.
RACE WINNING ABILITY: 7: If Wright can wrangle Cone’s libido and get him off the hotel room pay-per-views at the race’s pit stops, they could go far.
Team White Lines: Josh Hamilton and Darryl Strawberry
Everyone loves a comeback story. Josh Hamilton wowed ‘em at this year’s Home Run Derby and is having a good season. Darryl Strawberry has somehow managed to land a stable gig at SNY as a sports commentator. (So, we guess he’s still clean?) Apparently kicking addiction is a really tough thing. Being recovering addicts, Josh and Darryl would have the persistence, confidence and fortitude to push themselves hard to win the race.
RACE WINNING ABILITY: 4: Unfortunately, the race has been known to take a turn to narcotic friendly places (such as Amsterdam). Apparently kicking addiction is a really tough thing.
The Under and Overachiever: Carlos Delgado and Ichiro Suzuki
Delgado had a rough early part of the season being easily distracted by his own thoughts on the field. The Mutts fans were frustrated at his lack of effort fielding balls and doing heads up base running (or… well… leading and not getting picked off because he was daydreaming). While he’s gotten a stay of execution from Mutt fans now, he’d surely learn a thing or two from Ichiro. For years, Ichiro has been excelling on offense and defense. He’s won every Golden Glove for an Outfielder since 2001 (to the envy of the Mets most assuredly), and his weird knock-kneed batting stance helps him get on base just about any and every time he gets up to bat.
RACE WINNING ABILITY: 9: Perhaps someone has rubbed off on Delgado, so I am guessing that the good influence of Ichiro might position this team to win it all. Even if Delgado resumed his slacker ways, Ichiro seems a bit too cool headed to strangle him. But even someone as good as Ichiro couldn’t carry a whole team on his own.
The Oscar Contenders: Vlad Guerrero and Curt Schilling
If you’ve ever watched Vlad’s throw in from the outfield, he nearly propels his entire body over his arm. He loves to showboat his full effort at every occasion. OK Vlad… we get it and we know you just missed getting into the 40-40 club a few years back. You have one of the best arms in the outfield, you try hard, and you’re glad that the Expos are history. An appropriate Amazing Race teammate for Vlad would be Curt Schilling. Who can forget his World Series performances with his bloody (or was that ketchup) socks? Aside from that, he is always touting a cause, or giving a heartfelt Republican loving speech on TV. Though there is still time before next year’s spring training and a retirement decision, he’s recently said ‘"the pendulum is swinging very heavily in the direction of it just being over." Have no doubt, his retirement will be another Oscar worthy performance.. complete with (Favre Favorite) tears. Lucky for us, done will be done for the old dog. Hopefully he won’t turn up on a political ballot sometime in the future.
RACE WINNING ABILITY: 9: Somehow, the most conniving and irritating teams have a propensity to win the Amazing Race. The only thing that might stand in Vlad and Curt’s way would be themselves.
There are a few other teams that might fit the bill for the Amazing Race. Here are some worth considering:
The Odd Couple: Billy Martin and Reggie Jackson
The Old Couple: Moises Alou and El Duque
The Beauty Queens: Alex Rodriguez and Manny Ramirez (aka: Rapunzel)
If anyone else has some good ideas for contenders, let’s get them out there. West Coast Craig might be able to hook up a meeting with the network mucky mucks soon.
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ANGRYWARD
Posts:709
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| 08-22-2008 - SelecA - |
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| Cookie, there is no doubt in my mind that a team consisting of Yankee Joe and annoying Amazing Race alum Boston Rob would be must-see-tv. I think you are on to something here though. Matts, what's stopping you two from applying for The Amazing Race? You can wear those suits around the world. Heck, you already have. But this would get you guys to a much wider audience, and I'm not just talking about the large-waisted couch potato demographic. |
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TheMatts
Posts:1598
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| 08-22-2008 - SelecA - |
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Cookie! The reviews of your show (that seems to be a theme with MTM writers) are in:
"BRILLIANT! Strawberry Daiquiris in David Wells' blender had me roaring for Darryl!" -Peter Travers, Rolling Stone
"Two Thumbs Way Up!" - Two guys that used to be Siskel & Ebert
"I cried, I laughed, I called Joey's name!" -Cindy Adams, NY Post (or is that Kay Gardella) |
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ANGRYWARD
Posts:709
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| 08-22-2008 - SelecA - |
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| How about Sid Fernandez and Mickey Lolich as an Amazing Race team? They'd be great in the eating challenges. By the way, did anyone catch Keith ask Seaver last night how he lost so many games? Hilarious stuff. |
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TheMatts
Posts:1598
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| 08-22-2008 - SelecA - |
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| Keith Hernandez, AW, is simply the best thing on TV since Get Smart. When he barked at the vendor/fan crossing in front of them while he and Ron were broadcasting from behind home was absolute perfection in its purest form. As for the race, let's call it the Amazin' Race and have it comprised of former Mets paired with fans. We'd want to be paired up with Lenny Randle. He speaks four languages and could charm the rubles right from Vlad Putin's teeth. |
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Grote2DMax
Posts:476
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| 08-22-2008 - SelecA - |
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| Cookie I must admit I'm a big Amazing Race fan. This baseball event needs it's own version of Charla and Mirna which I would combine Fredie Patek (dwarf like) and David Arthur Sky Kingman (grating personality). That would be a fun team to watch travel the globe. |
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How Philly Won |
One Of Our First
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ROY HOBBS ON STEROIDS??? |
MEAGHAN & JAKE: COOLEST FANS |
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Nobody Remembers The Loser |
Giant/Super Tuesday |
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MATTS-MATICS: Hockey Nuts Go At It |
See us on: "Law & Order" |
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MATT FACTS:
Chad Pennington is NOT a Brett Favre fan... Hillary Clinton and Don Nelson have never been seen in the same place... Jerry Manuel is not related to Charlie ManuelJerry Manuel is not related to Charlie Manuel... Somebody namd Michel coaches the Pittsburgh Penguins... Tiki Barber quit the Giants. The Giants then won the Super Bowl... The New England Patriots only lost ONE game out of 19!!! Aaron Heilman was actually funny in re to Eli and Plaxico Burress helping the Mets as a pitcher and outfielder, respectively. Repeat, Heilman was funny... Jessica Simpson would rather date Tom Brady - trust us... Eli Manning is better than Archie - now... Alyssa Milano is a Met fan. RRRRR... Rickey Henderson speaks in the 3rd Person... Shawn Green has big ears... Howard Johnson likes to stay at the Holiday Inn, ironically... Sandy Alomar, Sr. is the youngest of 9 kids. That's why he was quick around the dish. Jiminy Cricket was the Philly Phanatic in a previous life…Fred Wilpon is pals with Sandy Koufax... Mike Ditka is a really tough guy.. Buffalo has a Triple A baseball team. They are NOT called The Snowballs... Chan Ho Park has people thinking of naming a ballfield after him - it would be called Chan Ho Park Park... John Maine has never been, oddly enough, to Maine... Curt Gowdy, Jr. has never been to Yellow Knife, Canada... Kevin Mitchell played 6 positions for the Mets in '86 and, according to Doc Gooden's book, didn't like cats... John Olerud & Wayne Gretzky have never been seen in the same place... Kevin McReynolds now makes his living doing laugh tracks for sit-coms... Tony Gwynn is nearing 300 lbs... Carlos Beltran has Mercedes Benz dealerships named for him in Barcelona, Spain... Willie Montanez was called Guillermo by Lenny Randle... Rusty Staub beat Jeff Kent in a race – TODAY... Jay Horwitz is a dynamite Cricket players – somebody said... Jeff Wilpon was a decent minor league catcher... Ziggy Palfy lives in Slovakia and is a big Met fan... Superman Returns, yet still can’t hit Billy Wagner... David Wright will win the Triple Crown – on a horse... Omar Minaya is Tobey McGuire’s stunt-double in Spider Man 3... Hilary Clinton has Mr. Met pajamas – we think... Albert Einstein was a HUGE Met fan... The Metropolitan Opera House was named for the Mets after their 2nd season in ’63... Wally Backman, ’86 sparkplug, considered changing his name to Wally Back-Matt... Neil Allen and Mike Stanton, former Mets, have Allen & Stanton Streets on Lower East Side named for them.
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