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Spring Break Training PART I |
Spring Break Training PART II |
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SABRES, PENS, SHOTGUNS & METS |
BILL BUCKNER WAS INNOCENT |
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TheMatts
Posts:1579
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| 08-12-2008 - SelecA - |
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BEIJING, CHINA – Three weeks ago, we asked if anyone cared about the upcoming Beijing Olympics. That query was answered this weekend with a resounding yes. 70 million people in the U.S. watched in amazement at an Opening Ceremony that combined beauty and grace with gigantic scope and flawless execution. Sure some of the fireworks were digital and pre-recorded but as host Bob Costas said, “When it comes to Opening Ceremonies, put the trophy away.” Never say never (because it's a double negative) but that spectacle will not likely be matched in our lifetimes.
The Games are off to a monumental start in thrills and ratings. There has been exciting road cycling, gymnastics, volleyball, soccer and of course, swimming with Sunday night’s 4x100 free relay bringing the ultimate in drama. French swim captain Alain Bernard came to Beijing saying,” The Americans? We’re going to smash them. That’s what we came here for.” What American needed further firing up for the Men’s 4x100 after hearing that audacious quote? Not Michael Phelps, Cullen Jones, Garret Weber-Gale or anchorman Jason Lezak who came from nearly a body length behind with 50 meters to go and caught Bernard to win by 8/100ths of a second. Phelps and Company let out primal screams heard across the Pacific Ocean. If you haven’t seen this race, Google it, Youtube it, MSNBC it, just do it.
On the flip side there seem to be a few idiotic sports on the calendar this Olympic go-around and in light of baseball’s relegation to “exhibition” we have some bones to pick with the International Olympic Committee.
Team handball? When did first cousins basketball and soccer have this mutated offspring? Beach volleyball? Stoner sports should not be permitted. What’s next – hacky sack? Softball? Sorry, not if baseball is out. Badminton? We think tennis and table tennis cover the racket and ball sports well enough. The most ridiculous of all of these sports is synchronized diving. Synchronized Diving? WTF? Diving and synchronized swimming cover it, don’t you think? Look at some of the scoring splits in from this sport last night. Out of a perfect 10, we saw scores from one teams tandem dive range from 4.5 to 9. Even the judges can’t figure it out. Hey IOC, bring back rugby, lacrosse, baseball, golf and tug-o-war for Pete’s sake. In lieu of that, as New Yorkers, we’d like to present out own version of the Summer Games and some select events straight outta Gotham.
Dog Crap Steeplechase –
If you live in an average NYC neighborhood, not upscale or trendy, this is a popular sport. Violators of the city’s pooper-scooper law provide the well poo’d course that can challenge pedestrian vertical skill. Like a true equestrian event, water hazards come into play as fetid pools of urine often line the other side of the excrement mountain.
Dumpster Diving –
Who doesn’t have friends that have decorated entire apartments with creative garbage picking? Those artistes and homeless people would compete for medals.
Pub Crawl –
Last one standing and not puking wins
Sex –
10 points deducted if your neighbors can hear you. 10 points added if you have children and actually manage to get an opportunity. Perfect 10 if you make it with a Perfect 10.
Jay Walking –
Self-explanatory.
Spat Gum Taste Identification –
Look down at the sidewalk. It’s amazing how many half dollar sized black spots litter the streets. Expectorated permanently onto the concrete and macadam of the metropolis. Do they retain any flavor after 100,000-foot steps? Only the intrepid competitor will know.
Let the Games Begin!
Footnote 1 –
Props to fellow Irishman Padraig Harrington for capturing his second major of the year with the 2008 PGA Championship this past Sunday.
Footnote 2 –
The Met bullpen is as fetid as the aforementioned urine puddle.
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Yankee Joe
Posts:374
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| 08-12-2008 - SelecA - |
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| How about synchronized crying? Mutt fans would win the Gold, Silver and Bronze. |
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Bayside
Posts:248
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| 08-12-2008 - SelecA - |
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| Joe, the Yankees are a polished turd at this point, no medals whatsoever. What a waste of 200 million dollars. |
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Randy Levine
Posts:163
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| 08-12-2008 - SelecA - |
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| Long distance snot rockets? |
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Officer Bob
Posts:50
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| 08-12-2008 - SelecA - |
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| I was at the game yesterday. After the rain, the sun and Pedro had us all smiling. Then came the pen. It was a nightmare. And Yankee Joe, you and your team suck. |
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TheMatts
Posts:1579
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| 08-12-2008 - SelecA - |
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| Yankee Joe - the Yanks aren't exactly tearing things up, you know? |
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ActiveForums 3.6
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MATTS-MATICS: NY Jets vs NY Rangers |
BRAVE Fan Talks REDSKINS
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ROY HOBBS ON STEROIDS??? |
MEAGHAN & JAKE: COOLEST FANS |
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Nobody Remembers The Loser |
Giant/Super Tuesday |
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MATTS-MATICS: Hockey Nuts Go At It |
See us on: "Law & Order" |
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MATT FACTS:
Chad Pennington is NOT a Brett Favre fan... Hillary Clinton and Don Nelson have never been seen in the same place... Jerry Manuel is not related to Charlie ManuelJerry Manuel is not related to Charlie Manuel... Somebody namd Michel coaches the Pittsburgh Penguins... Tiki Barber quit the Giants. The Giants then won the Super Bowl... The New England Patriots only lost ONE game out of 19!!! Aaron Heilman was actually funny in re to Eli and Plaxico Burress helping the Mets as a pitcher and outfielder, respectively. Repeat, Heilman was funny... Jessica Simpson would rather date Tom Brady - trust us... Eli Manning is better than Archie - now... Alyssa Milano is a Met fan. RRRRR... Rickey Henderson speaks in the 3rd Person... Shawn Green has big ears... Howard Johnson likes to stay at the Holiday Inn, ironically... Sandy Alomar, Sr. is the youngest of 9 kids. That's why he was quick around the dish. Jiminy Cricket was the Philly Phanatic in a previous life…Fred Wilpon is pals with Sandy Koufax... Mike Ditka is a really tough guy.. Buffalo has a Triple A baseball team. They are NOT called The Snowballs... Chan Ho Park has people thinking of naming a ballfield after him - it would be called Chan Ho Park Park... John Maine has never been, oddly enough, to Maine... Curt Gowdy, Jr. has never been to Yellow Knife, Canada... Kevin Mitchell played 6 positions for the Mets in '86 and, according to Doc Gooden's book, didn't like cats... John Olerud & Wayne Gretzky have never been seen in the same place... Kevin McReynolds now makes his living doing laugh tracks for sit-coms... Tony Gwynn is nearing 300 lbs... Carlos Beltran has Mercedes Benz dealerships named for him in Barcelona, Spain... Willie Montanez was called Guillermo by Lenny Randle... Rusty Staub beat Jeff Kent in a race – TODAY... Jay Horwitz is a dynamite Cricket players – somebody said... Jeff Wilpon was a decent minor league catcher... Ziggy Palfy lives in Slovakia and is a big Met fan... Superman Returns, yet still can’t hit Billy Wagner... David Wright will win the Triple Crown – on a horse... Omar Minaya is Tobey McGuire’s stunt-double in Spider Man 3... Hilary Clinton has Mr. Met pajamas – we think... Albert Einstein was a HUGE Met fan... The Metropolitan Opera House was named for the Mets after their 2nd season in ’63... Wally Backman, ’86 sparkplug, considered changing his name to Wally Back-Matt... Neil Allen and Mike Stanton, former Mets, have Allen & Stanton Streets on Lower East Side named for them.
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