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Spring Break Training PART I |
Spring Break Training PART II |
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SABRES, PENS, SHOTGUNS & METS |
BILL BUCKNER WAS INNOCENT |
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TheMatts
Posts:1444
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| 05-10-2008 - SelecA - |
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BULLFROG FLATS, KY -Michael Avery, a 6-foot-4 EIGTH GRADER (he’s in the Eigth Grade) (he’s an 8th Grader) from Lake Sherwood, Calif., has a scholarship offer from the Kentucky Wildcats and perhaps the earliest verbal commitment in the history of college basketball's winningest program. Mikey, as the other kids without armpit hair call him, says he will play for the Cats. For those of you that don’t know, the ‘Cats’ are a Big-Time college flocking basketball program.
MATT: [Large regurgitation sound] Huph… Gack!
MATT: Easy, Buddy… Sip this ginger ale.
MATT: [Gasp] Is it Canada Dry?
MATT: Of course it’s Canada Dry! After all, Canada Dry is the Matts’ ginger ale of choice!
MATT: [Relaxing and recovering] Okay. [He sips.]
Obviously, this development sickens us, Ladies & Germs. We’re now getting Letters of Intent from kids that don’t even have pimples yet. If you look up Avery on Al Gore’s Information Super Highway, you’ll see that he’s nothing more than a tall Opie. Mikey’s pop, Howard, had this to say:
"We [Papa Avery and Kentucky coach Billy Gillispie] talked for a while and he said, 'I like your son. In fact, I like him so much I want to offer him a scholarship here at Kentucky.' I was like, 'You're joking, right?' He said, 'Nope. I'm serious. I really love the way he plays."
Then Proud Papa got to tell Junior, so he woke him from his midday nap. Between sips of his Juicy Juice, Mikey could hardly contain his excitement.
"I think Michael wanted to commit right then, but this is all so new to us, and I'm aware of the unusual nature of an eighth-grader giving a commitment to a college.
Phew! We thought this guy didn’t get it! We thought he might be jeopardizing the natural mental and physical development of his son for the sake of college hoops. Big Howie calmed us further with the following:
“I wasn't really sure how to react to it at first. A lot of people will say it's too early in the process, but after talking to some people who know coach Gillispie, we decided it really can't get much better than this opportunity.”
That Billy Gillispie must be some guy. Two phone calls and Mikey gets a contract signed right after his Cub Scout meeting! Wait, that’s whacky. There’s something wrong here, gang. Very wrong. What's next, signing kids to Letters Of Intent in Santa suits at Macy's??? Perhaps Coach Gillispie should start scouring T-ball games for multi-sport athletes.
MATT: (Large regurgitation sound II) Hupk!
MATT: Steady, pal... Steady.
MATT: Pass the Canada Dry.
Ugh. Beware, Matts Nation: It’s the end of the world as we know it. Thank you, Michael Stipe... We’ll see you tomorrow with Rex O’Rourke.
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Mke Dernan
Posts:88
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| 05-10-2008 - SelecA - |
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| Man, that's crazy. I had to laugh - I remember not having armpit hair in 8th grade and wearing a t-shirt because we were embarrassed. |
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Linda
Posts:79
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| 05-10-2008 - SelecA - |
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| That is outrageous! How is that boy supposed to grow up normally now. How do his parents motivate him? Do grades matter at all anymore? He hasn't even gotten through High School freshman English and he has a scholarship?! What does that do the quality of that school? |
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Tommy Hawk
Posts:51
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| 05-10-2008 - SelecA - |
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| I was okay with this thinking that it was a good thing for the kid and his family until I read Lindas points. Linda, you are 100% right. The world is ending. |
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Sam's-a-fan
Posts:692
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| 05-10-2008 - SelecA - |
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| The world will be fine as long as we have Canada Dry! |
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West Coast Craig
Posts:121
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| 05-10-2008 - SelecA - |
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| The kid still has to graduate, I imagine. Hey, whatever happened to that toddler who could shoot hoops and thus landed a Nike contract? Is he strung out on goofballs and suing his parents yet? |
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ActiveForums 3.6
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ROY HOBBS ON STEROIDS??? |
MEAGHAN & JAKE: COOLEST FANS |
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Nobody Remembers The Loser |
Giant/Super Tuesday |
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MATTS-MATICS: Hockey Nuts Go At It |
See us on: "Law & Order" |
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MATT FACTS:
Chad Pennington is NOT a Brett Favre fan... Hillary Clinton and Don Nelson have never been seen in the same place... Jerry Manuel is not related to Charlie ManuelJerry Manuel is not related to Charlie Manuel... Somebody namd Michel coaches the Pittsburgh Penguins... Tiki Barber quit the Giants. The Giants then won the Super Bowl... The New England Patriots only lost ONE game out of 19!!! Aaron Heilman was actually funny in re to Eli and Plaxico Burress helping the Mets as a pitcher and outfielder, respectively. Repeat, Heilman was funny... Jessica Simpson would rather date Tom Brady - trust us... Eli Manning is better than Archie - now... Alyssa Milano is a Met fan. RRRRR... Rickey Henderson speaks in the 3rd Person... Shawn Green has big ears... Howard Johnson likes to stay at the Holiday Inn, ironically... Sandy Alomar, Sr. is the youngest of 9 kids. That's why he was quick around the dish. Jiminy Cricket was the Philly Phanatic in a previous life…Fred Wilpon is pals with Sandy Koufax... Mike Ditka is a really tough guy.. Buffalo has a Triple A baseball team. They are NOT called The Snowballs... Chan Ho Park has people thinking of naming a ballfield after him - it would be called Chan Ho Park Park... John Maine has never been, oddly enough, to Maine... Curt Gowdy, Jr. has never been to Yellow Knife, Canada... Kevin Mitchell played 6 positions for the Mets in '86 and, according to Doc Gooden's book, didn't like cats... John Olerud & Wayne Gretzky have never been seen in the same place... Kevin McReynolds now makes his living doing laugh tracks for sit-coms... Tony Gwynn is nearing 300 lbs... Carlos Beltran has Mercedes Benz dealerships named for him in Barcelona, Spain... Willie Montanez was called Guillermo by Lenny Randle... Rusty Staub beat Jeff Kent in a race – TODAY... Jay Horwitz is a dynamite Cricket players – somebody said... Jeff Wilpon was a decent minor league catcher... Ziggy Palfy lives in Slovakia and is a big Met fan... Superman Returns, yet still can’t hit Billy Wagner... David Wright will win the Triple Crown – on a horse... Omar Minaya is Tobey McGuire’s stunt-double in Spider Man 3... Hilary Clinton has Mr. Met pajamas – we think... Albert Einstein was a HUGE Met fan... The Metropolitan Opera House was named for the Mets after their 2nd season in ’63... Wally Backman, ’86 sparkplug, considered changing his name to Wally Back-Matt... Neil Allen and Mike Stanton, former Mets, have Allen & Stanton Streets on Lower East Side named for them.
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