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Spring Break Training PART I |
Spring Break Training PART II |
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SABRES, PENS, SHOTGUNS & METS |
BILL BUCKNER WAS INNOCENT |
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West Coast Craig
Posts:252
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| 07-14-2008 - SelecP - |
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Think Blue week at Dodger Stadium is an annual event that the brass at Chavez Ravine hope with Quixote-like perseverance will create a city-wide zeitgeist that somehow propels the team to another few wins. Also, it gives certain lucky fans the chance to take part in the game, like raking the infield with the grounds crew, or announcing the Dodger line-up. During Think Blue week in 1976, Little Georgie won the lottery and was chosen to play Take Me Out to the Ball Game on the stadium organ during the seventh inning stretch. While the other kids played baseball outside his window—literally, his house overlooked a park but George’s mom never let him go, fearing that he was allergic to grass—Georgie practiced playing the old B3 the family had found at a garage sale over the winter. He listened to Jimmy Smith LPs, he practiced all the jazzy tunes, and he memorized Take Me Out to the Ball Game by heart. Finally the day arrived, over the weekend of the Fourth of July, the Dodgers playing the Big Red Machine…the top of the Seventh came meekly to a close on a dribbler to first and suddenly the PA announcer was saying his name. Georgie stepped up, past the smiling lady who usually played, and pressed the first C button. “Take….” But as the fans began singing, the same C note sustained, then droned, then kind of settled in to a nerve wracking vibration that reverberated about the stands. Georgie sat there, his finger pressed on that key, and thought to himself this is bad, play the next note, do something, anything…but his finger refused to lift, his body refused to move. He sat there frozen, listening to that C note stretch to eternity, until a couple of Ushers came in and helped pull him free. He sat in the same rigid position as they carried him out.
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The army of custodians were going row by row, section by section, cleaning up the nine tons of trash left behind after yet another game—all those hot dog wrappers sticky with ketchup, nacho trays, spilled beer cups, occasional vomit—and looking out from the top deck most of the red taillights had made their way down past the exits. Downtown L.A. is lit up on one side, and great blue letters spelling out “Think Blue” is lit up on the other, between palm trees and beyond the 76 gas station out in the parking lot. Up in the press box, a handful of reporters, armed with the best quotes they could glean in the clubhouse, filled out their stories or updated their blogs. Out by the players’ parking lot, Petey Van Peltier found himself walking amidst shoulders and chests, a forest of giant men making their way to their cars, keys pointed forward. Three Escalades and a Suburban all blip-blipped at once. He made his way through, and looked around again for the Bad Usher. Maybe he already went home? Was it safe to go back to the locker room? Petey thought this would probably be a good time just to clear out.
Most of the cars were gone from the employees’ parking spaces, but a green Volvo still stood there, its California Sunset license plate reading “NANCY B.” Just then, cutting through the darkness, a long, single, sustained C note blared through the stadium’s speaker system and rolled out across the parking lot. Petey’s heart sunk. He started to panic. Breath in through the nose, out through the mouth. He turned and raced back in, through the clubhouse level doors, up past the press box, to the little room with the organ in it. There was Nancy Bea Hefley, terrified, as the Bad Usher sat at the keyboard next to her. He had his necklace off, holding one of the little trophies from it on the C key. When he lifted it, the tone ceased. “Look, Van Peltier,” he cawed triumphantly, “I’m playing by ear!”
For the next ten minutes he bashed out serviceable renditions of stadium favorites like Baby Elephant Walk, Lady of Spain, and short section of In a Gadda Da Vida. “Did you know that Take Me Out to the Ballgame was written in 1908, a century ago now, by a guy who’d never even seen a baseball game?” he said while he played. “It makes sense when you actually think about it. I never understood why he wanted both peanuts and Cracker Jack, since Cracker Jack has peanuts in it already.” As if to accent his point, he banged out the stepping notes leading up to a flourishing “Charge!” “It’s the third most popular song in the country, behind the Star Spangled Banner and Happy Birthday to You…and I used to be able to play it forwards and backwards. He tentatively put his fingers on the keys again, hit the “Take…” me out note, but started trembling and froze up. Peter tried to inch closer, but Nancy Bea held up her hand. “You stuck, honey?” she asked, and the Bad Usher could only nod his head. “It’s easy, here…” and she placed her hands on the keys and hit the next notes. The Bad Usher watched them in wonder, then looked up at her. She smiled at him encouragingly, and he gently hit the next note. His laugh filled the room, and the Bad Usher kept going, he and Nancy Bea in wonderful duet. They say down in Whoville that the Bad Usher’s heart grew three sizes that day, and then as they finished and lifted their feet off the reverb petal on the last note…
…there was a crash, and a shower of peanuts exploded across the room. Petey hit the floor as a second bag of peanuts shot in and shattered above Nancy Bea’s head, raining shells and nuts down on her hair. The Bad Usher whirled around, and two sno-cones splattered at the toes of each of his shoes. “Time to pay the concessionaire,” came a voice from behind Petey. In the doorway stood the Bat-Man, his bat-chuks stretched taught before him, a squad of concessionaire goons on either side, trays hung around their necks, arms loaded with peanut bags, Cool-a-Coos, and California Pizza Kitchen boxes. “Ahh, you’ll get your money Tuesday, on payday, just like usual” the Bad Usher said. From the floor Petey motioned for Nancy Bea to slide closer—she didn’t need encouraging—and felt something poking him in his pocket. “That’s too bad, we were kind of looking forward to getting a little workout” Bat-Man said, spinning one of his souvenir bats. “That can still be arranged!” the Usher answered. He cracked his knuckles, and Petey discovered he still had the man’s knife. “George!” he yelled, tossing it to him and grabbing Nancy Bea by the hand, pulling her out of there as Bat-Man and his goons began their assault. Peripherally, all Petey caught was a blur of movement as the concessions shredded into a dense cloud of trash, bats, fists, and hats.
As the clamor continued above them, Petey Van Peltier escorted Nancy Bea Hefley back to her Volvo. “Thank you, young man,” she said, taking out her keys. “Now, would you like to go get some ice cream?” Petey sure did.
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West Coast Craig
Posts:252
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| 07-14-2008 - SelecP - |
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| Sorry so late today, people. It's been a hectic few days. My humblest apologies to all. |
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PhillyPhanatic
Posts:552
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| 07-14-2008 - SelecP - |
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WOW. I never thought that I'd say this but Cookie, maybe that post wasn't so bad after all. Please accept my apology for thinking that was the worst post that I ever read.
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TheMatts
Posts:1581
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| 07-14-2008 - SelecP - |
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| WWC - Wow! Our moms always told us good thing were worth waiting for. No disappointment on this end as once again you exceed journalistic sports fiction standards. Standards that you yourself transcend week to week. The allegory of the "Bad Usher" challenges the readers to decide as to whether he protagonist or the antagonist of the tale - the sad and lonely boy or the vile and nefarious man. Thank you for gracing our pages with this serial essay that begs for a larger audience. |
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Corporal Agorn
Posts:181
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| 07-14-2008 - SelecP - |
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| Don't listen to the Phanatic. He is just trying to ruffle feathers WW Craig. Maybe he should become the San Diego Chicken instead. |
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PhillyPhanatic
Posts:552
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| 07-14-2008 - SelecP - |
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| Kind of like your site. |
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ActiveForums 3.6
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MATTS-MATICS: NY Jets vs NY Rangers |
BRAVE Fan Talks REDSKINS
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ROY HOBBS ON STEROIDS??? |
MEAGHAN & JAKE: COOLEST FANS |
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Nobody Remembers The Loser |
Giant/Super Tuesday |
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MATTS-MATICS: Hockey Nuts Go At It |
See us on: "Law & Order" |
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MATT FACTS:
Chad Pennington is NOT a Brett Favre fan... Hillary Clinton and Don Nelson have never been seen in the same place... Jerry Manuel is not related to Charlie ManuelJerry Manuel is not related to Charlie Manuel... Somebody namd Michel coaches the Pittsburgh Penguins... Tiki Barber quit the Giants. The Giants then won the Super Bowl... The New England Patriots only lost ONE game out of 19!!! Aaron Heilman was actually funny in re to Eli and Plaxico Burress helping the Mets as a pitcher and outfielder, respectively. Repeat, Heilman was funny... Jessica Simpson would rather date Tom Brady - trust us... Eli Manning is better than Archie - now... Alyssa Milano is a Met fan. RRRRR... Rickey Henderson speaks in the 3rd Person... Shawn Green has big ears... Howard Johnson likes to stay at the Holiday Inn, ironically... Sandy Alomar, Sr. is the youngest of 9 kids. That's why he was quick around the dish. Jiminy Cricket was the Philly Phanatic in a previous life…Fred Wilpon is pals with Sandy Koufax... Mike Ditka is a really tough guy.. Buffalo has a Triple A baseball team. They are NOT called The Snowballs... Chan Ho Park has people thinking of naming a ballfield after him - it would be called Chan Ho Park Park... John Maine has never been, oddly enough, to Maine... Curt Gowdy, Jr. has never been to Yellow Knife, Canada... Kevin Mitchell played 6 positions for the Mets in '86 and, according to Doc Gooden's book, didn't like cats... John Olerud & Wayne Gretzky have never been seen in the same place... Kevin McReynolds now makes his living doing laugh tracks for sit-coms... Tony Gwynn is nearing 300 lbs... Carlos Beltran has Mercedes Benz dealerships named for him in Barcelona, Spain... Willie Montanez was called Guillermo by Lenny Randle... Rusty Staub beat Jeff Kent in a race – TODAY... Jay Horwitz is a dynamite Cricket players – somebody said... Jeff Wilpon was a decent minor league catcher... Ziggy Palfy lives in Slovakia and is a big Met fan... Superman Returns, yet still can’t hit Billy Wagner... David Wright will win the Triple Crown – on a horse... Omar Minaya is Tobey McGuire’s stunt-double in Spider Man 3... Hilary Clinton has Mr. Met pajamas – we think... Albert Einstein was a HUGE Met fan... The Metropolitan Opera House was named for the Mets after their 2nd season in ’63... Wally Backman, ’86 sparkplug, considered changing his name to Wally Back-Matt... Neil Allen and Mike Stanton, former Mets, have Allen & Stanton Streets on Lower East Side named for them.
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