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Spring Break Training PART I |
Spring Break Training PART II |
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SABRES, PENS, SHOTGUNS & METS |
BILL BUCKNER WAS INNOCNET |
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TheMatts
Posts:1301
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| 05-08-2008 - SelecA - |
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WILKES-BARRE, PA – Thankfully there was no need to stay up late to watch the Mets lose yesterday because it happened during the day instead. Oh wait, they won and big too and we still didn’t have to stay up late. In the spirit of anger so eloquently put forth by Angry Ward yesterday, we present another column about something intolerable: hyphenated names. Take your father’s name. Take your mother’s name but for Pete-Heavens sake, pick one and go with it.
There is a need to deviate from sports because, though not immune, the world of sports does not seem to be as poisoned by this lunacy as the rest of civilization. There are a few notable exceptions. The most annoying is Kareem Abdul-Jabbar. First of all KAREEM, your name is Lewis Alcindor. And, if you’re going to change it because of “religious conversion”, couldn’t you just be Kareem Abdul? Or Kareem Jabbar? Do you need a hyphenated name of two people who you have no connection to? We’ll let it slide if you’re a real Muslim but you’re not. Chinese names are given a pass because they all have them and there are 65 billion of them so we don’t mess with them. Is that okay Los Angeles Dodger, Chin-Lung-Hu? There are female athletes we’ll let slide simply because they adopted their husband’s name but the length and cadence were still annoying. Chris Evert-Lloyd could never hold a candle to Chris Evert. Chrissie, we could even see that marriage would never last. Then there’s Evonne Goolagong-Cawley, Aboriginal Australian tennis great of the 1960’s & 70’s, who added a her husband’s lame Anglo name to sports’ most awesome surname.
Our love affair with hyphenated names is traceable to a maddening English aristocracy who top the obnoxious hyphen chart with “quadruple barreled” names such as Hepburn-Stuart-Forbes-Trefusis.
Nauseating! Now have to put up with the Catherine Zeta-Jones’s of the world. In her case, she arc-welded her middle name to her last name. SUPER LAME. Raven-Symone Pearman had the audacity to merge her first two names and unceremoniously drop her last name to go by the asinine Raven-Symone. Throw Malcom-Jamal Warner in that mix. The French are to blame for this trend with their Jean-Lucs and Jean-Claudes and Jean-Pauls. Take a hike with that.
Did Boutros Boutros-Ghali need the middle Boutros? Did he need the first? Ann-Margaret lost her last name in a Swedish fjord apparently but she was hot so we forgive her. The same cannot be said for Yo-Yo Ma who, in our opinion, should drop his last name. We move on to actor Lawrence Hilton-Jacobs III who played Boom-Boom Washington on “Welcome Back Kotter”. He gets a special prize.
And that bring us to some recent real life nuptials that would shake the very foundation of the hyphenated name world: Rachel Hardy & Daniel Harr, Joe Looney & Shelby Ward, Cindy Bush & Matt Rash and Crystal Butts & Levi McCracken. Don’t do it people and for God-Heavens sake don’t do it to the kids.
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Bayside
Posts:200
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| 05-08-2008 - SelecA - |
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I never had a problem with hyphenated names but they can be funny and ridiculous. when I lived in the city in the 80's my buddies and I found a name in the Manhattan White Pages that slayed us:
Boonlert Kongsoontorncharden. |
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Dude
Posts:434
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| 05-08-2008 - SelecA - |
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| there's no hyphen in that name. but i agree hyphenated names are really annoying, almost as annoying as girls named kirsten or kristen who get pissed when you confuse the two. |
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Hank from Ronkonkoma
Posts:33
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| 05-08-2008 - SelecA - |
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| What about Choo-Choo Coleman? Does he get a pass for being named after a train? |
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Corporal Agorn
Posts:101
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| 05-08-2008 - SelecA - |
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Choo-Choo was Boom-Boom's dad right? And the Mets better go boom boom against the lowly Reds and Nats during the upcoming homestand. We have Santana going twice during the 7 games.
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david
Posts:327
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| 05-08-2008 - SelecA - |
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| ok so we'll go 2-5 then, "the mets don't like to play at shea" remember? |
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ActiveForums 3.6
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ROY HOBBS ON STEROIDS??? |
MEAGHAN & JAKE: COOLEST FANS |
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Nobody Remembers The Loser |
Giant/Super Tuesday |
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MATTS-MATICS: Hockey Nuts Go At It |
See us on: "Law & Order" |
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MATT FACTS:
Somebody named Michel coaches the Pittsburgh Penguins... Tiki Barber quit the Giants. The Giants then won the Super Bowl... The New England Patriots only lost ONE game out of 19!!! Aaron Heilman was actually funny in re to Eli and Plaxico Burress helping the Mets as a pitcher and outfielder, respectively. Repeat, Heilman was funny... Jessica Simpson would rather date Tom Brady - trust us... Eli Manning is better than Archie - now... Alyssa Milano is a Met fan. RRRRR... Rickey Henderson speaks in the 3rd Person... Shawn Green has big ears... Howard Johnson likes to stay at the Holiday Inn, ironically... Sandy Alomar, Sr. is the youngest of 9 kids. That's why he was quick around the dish. Jiminy Cricket was the Philly Phanatic in a previous life…Fred Wilpon is pals with Sandy Koufax... Mike Ditka is a really tough guy.. Buffalo has a Triple A baseball team. They are NOT called The Snowballs... Chan Ho Park has people thinking of naming a ballfield after him - it would be called Chan Ho Park Park... John Maine has never been, oddly enough, to Maine... Curt Gowdy, Jr. has never been to Yellow Knife, Canada... Kevin Mitchell played 6 positions for the Mets in '86 and, according to Doc Gooden's book, didn't like cats... John Olerud & Wayne Gretzky have never been seen in the same place... Kevin McReynolds now makes his living doing laugh tracks for sit-coms... Tony Gwynn is nearing 300 lbs... Carlos Beltran has Mercedes Benz dealerships named for him in Barcelona, Spain... Willie Montanez was called Guillermo by Lenny Randle... Rusty Staub beat Jeff Kent in a race – TODAY... Jay Horwitz is a dynamite Cricket players – somebody said... Jeff Wilpon was a decent minor league catcher... Ziggy Palfy lives in Slovakia and is a big Met fan... Superman Returns, yet still can’t hit Billy Wagner... David Wright will win the Triple Crown – on a horse... Omar Minaya is Tobey McGuire’s stunt-double in Spider Man 3... Hilary Clinton has Mr. Met pajamas – we think... Albert Einstein was a HUGE Met fan... The Metropolitan Opera House was named for the Mets after their 2nd season in ’63... Wally Backman, ’86 sparkplug, considered changing his name to Wally Back-Matt... Neil Allen and Mike Stanton, former Mets, have Allen & Stanton Streets on Lower East Side named for them.
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