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Subject: An angel on the outside but a Demon within

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Metboi
Posts:166

05-05-2007 - SelecP - Alert 

Not the smiling Mr. Met that graces game programs and advertisements. Not the bobbing head doll that has given so much joy over the years. And not the life-sized figure who gives out pepsi T-shirts and love to the Shea Stadium faithful game in and game out. I'm talking about the monochromatic ghost who appears on the scoreboard whenever the Mets stage a rally. An artificial image created by circuits and lights, but one that takes on a haunting life of its own.
Do animated characters have a soul? Maybe. But not the Mr. Met that looks down from the scoreboard under the Bud sign. His eyes, like a china dolls eyes.
There's nowhere to run. Except the rest room, despite the putrid smell of urine it provides good shelter from the psychological storm inflicted by this Metropolitan mirage. That frightening sound, the stomps and the claps, letting me know that Mr. Met is still out there, he's not going away, and he knows I can't stay in there forever. After all, there's no toilet paper.
Maybe I'm the only one who shivers when he appears, hanging over the outfield like a round-headed demon. Maybe the problem isn't with Mr. Met, but lies deep within my subconscious, a repressed memory buried by a lifetime's worth of baseball stats and obscure bits of Mets trivia.
Mr. Met frightens me more than the sight of Carlos Beltrans mole. But I think this fear can be overcome by my even greater fear of the Philly Phanatic.
Or maybe it was that corndog after all.
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MATT FACTS:
Chad Pennington is NOT a Brett Favre fan... Hillary Clinton and Don Nelson have never been  seen in the same place... Jerry Manuel is not related to Charlie ManuelJerry Manuel is not related to Charlie Manuel... Somebody namd Michel coaches the Pittsburgh Penguins... Tiki Barber quit the Giants. The Giants then won the Super Bowl... The New England Patriots only lost ONE game out of 19!!! Aaron Heilman was actually funny in re to Eli and Plaxico Burress helping the Mets as a pitcher and outfielder, respectively. Repeat, Heilman was funny... Jessica Simpson would rather date Tom Brady - trust us... Eli Manning is better than Archie - now... Alyssa Milano is a Met fan. RRRRR... Rickey Henderson speaks in the 3rd Person... Shawn Green has big ears... Howard Johnson likes to stay at the Holiday Inn, ironically... Sandy Alomar, Sr. is the youngest of 9 kids. That's why he was quick around the dish. Jiminy Cricket was  the Philly Phanatic in a previous life…Fred Wilpon is pals  with Sandy Koufax... Mike Ditka is a really tough guy.. Buffalo has a Triple A baseball team. They are NOT called The Snowballs... Chan Ho Park has people thinking of naming a ballfield after him - it would be called Chan Ho Park Park... John Maine has never been, oddly enough, to Maine... Curt Gowdy, Jr. has never been to Yellow Knife, Canada... Kevin Mitchell played 6 positions for the Mets in '86 and, according to Doc Gooden's book, didn't like cats... John Olerud & Wayne Gretzky have never been seen in the same place... Kevin McReynolds now makes his living doing laugh tracks for sit-coms... Tony Gwynn is nearing 300 lbs... Carlos Beltran has Mercedes Benz dealerships named for him in Barcelona, Spain... Willie Montanez was called Guillermo by Lenny Randle... Rusty Staub beat Jeff Kent in a race – TODAY... Jay Horwitz is a dynamite Cricket players – somebody said... Jeff Wilpon was a decent minor league catcher... Ziggy Palfy lives in Slovakia and is a big Met fan... Superman Returns, yet still can’t hit Billy Wagner... David Wright will win the Triple Crown – on a horse... Omar Minaya is Tobey McGuire’s stunt-double in Spider Man 3... Hilary Clinton has Mr. Met pajamas – we think... Albert Einstein was a HUGE Met fan... The Metropolitan Opera House was named for the Mets after their 2nd season in ’63... Wally Backman, ’86 sparkplug, considered changing his name to Wally Back-Matt... Neil Allen and Mike Stanton, former Mets, have Allen & Stanton Streets on Lower East Side named for them.

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