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Subject: BRITNEY, K-FED & THE PHILLIES

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TheMatts
Posts:1457

02-24-2007 - SelecA - Alert 
Britney Spears, unbeknownst to everyone but those closest to her and US, shaved her head in a bid to win a role as the first-ever Female Matt. K-Fed a diehard Philly fan, intervened however, and thus began the media circus that has completely overblown her Elvis-like spiral that has seen her neglect her innocent toddlers, flash her privates when NOBODY wants to see them and give new meaning to the term Rich Trailer Trash. God-forbid a girl wants to have little fun. And God-forbid if she goes a tad overboard. Didn’t any of us ever get in trouble? And what of a little head-shaving? We wouldn’t have this gig if we didn’t shave our chrome domes. And let those among you cast the first stones that hasn’t been a teensy bit tired of needy babies. See? It’s all relative gang. Before you judge, look in the mirror. Sure, we can question Britney – it’s easy and popular. But what of K-Fed and his horrific alleged life-choice re the Phillies?! Are we just going to sit back and let that one go?! He’s in charge of the kids, for God’s sake. Moreover, are we all willing to sit idly by while he makes a difficult situation worse by having the kids root for Philadelphia while growing up in Dodgertown? Heck no! And what, he’s going to raise them rooting for a team that’s been to the playoffs once in 23 years? Ladies and Gentlemen, we’d rather see them raised as Nats’ groupies – or even worse; New York Angels of Anaheim Los Angeles fans. Yikes. So you see, we need your help. Help us with our Matt-Tervention, if you will. We beseech you on behalf the Ghosts of Baseball’s Future.
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MATT FACTS:
Chad Pennington is NOT a Brett Favre fan... Hillary Clinton and Don Nelson have never been  seen in the same place... Jerry Manuel is not related to Charlie ManuelJerry Manuel is not related to Charlie Manuel... Somebody namd Michel coaches the Pittsburgh Penguins... Tiki Barber quit the Giants. The Giants then won the Super Bowl... The New England Patriots only lost ONE game out of 19!!! Aaron Heilman was actually funny in re to Eli and Plaxico Burress helping the Mets as a pitcher and outfielder, respectively. Repeat, Heilman was funny... Jessica Simpson would rather date Tom Brady - trust us... Eli Manning is better than Archie - now... Alyssa Milano is a Met fan. RRRRR... Rickey Henderson speaks in the 3rd Person... Shawn Green has big ears... Howard Johnson likes to stay at the Holiday Inn, ironically... Sandy Alomar, Sr. is the youngest of 9 kids. That's why he was quick around the dish. Jiminy Cricket was  the Philly Phanatic in a previous life…Fred Wilpon is pals  with Sandy Koufax... Mike Ditka is a really tough guy.. Buffalo has a Triple A baseball team. They are NOT called The Snowballs... Chan Ho Park has people thinking of naming a ballfield after him - it would be called Chan Ho Park Park... John Maine has never been, oddly enough, to Maine... Curt Gowdy, Jr. has never been to Yellow Knife, Canada... Kevin Mitchell played 6 positions for the Mets in '86 and, according to Doc Gooden's book, didn't like cats... John Olerud & Wayne Gretzky have never been seen in the same place... Kevin McReynolds now makes his living doing laugh tracks for sit-coms... Tony Gwynn is nearing 300 lbs... Carlos Beltran has Mercedes Benz dealerships named for him in Barcelona, Spain... Willie Montanez was called Guillermo by Lenny Randle... Rusty Staub beat Jeff Kent in a race – TODAY... Jay Horwitz is a dynamite Cricket players – somebody said... Jeff Wilpon was a decent minor league catcher... Ziggy Palfy lives in Slovakia and is a big Met fan... Superman Returns, yet still can’t hit Billy Wagner... David Wright will win the Triple Crown – on a horse... Omar Minaya is Tobey McGuire’s stunt-double in Spider Man 3... Hilary Clinton has Mr. Met pajamas – we think... Albert Einstein was a HUGE Met fan... The Metropolitan Opera House was named for the Mets after their 2nd season in ’63... Wally Backman, ’86 sparkplug, considered changing his name to Wally Back-Matt... Neil Allen and Mike Stanton, former Mets, have Allen & Stanton Streets on Lower East Side named for them.

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