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MATTS-MATICS: NY Jets vs NY Rangers |
BRAVE Fan Talks REDSKINS
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SABRES, PENS, SHOTGUNS & METS |
BILL BUCKNER WAS INNOCENT |
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Spring Break Training PART I |
Spring Break Training PART II |
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TheMatts
Posts:1642
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| 11-22-2008 - SelecA - |
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FOLLYWOOD, CA - Is Donovan McNabb's mom a dirty, no-good rat? Is John Madden a back-stabbing elitist? Is Peyton Manning a to-heck-with-you enemy of the working man? Are Walt "Clyde The Glide" Frazier, Emmitt Smith and Keith Hernandez picket-line-crossing scoundrels? Are we [The Matts] nothing but hypocritical, two-faced jerkballs? Are all of the above, collectively or singularly, going down in infamy as filthy, selfish scabs??? Well, we may soon find out. Shortly before 1 a.m. this morning, while we were kicking it (Matt Moon Walked, I Macarena’d) at MTM pals Kenny & *Tod Griswold’s ultra-cool Hollywood club – The Highlands – we got word that S.A.G. (the Stupid Actors Guild) would be asking its members for permission to strike after talks with AMPTP (Thieving Movie Producers) broke down. How does this affect the aforementioned, you so disinterestedly ask? Well, Mrs. McNabb does the Chunky Soup commercials. John Madden gets tough with Tinactin and patches holes in his game with Ace Hardware. Peyton Manning pays for his Sprint cell phone with his MasterCard. Clyde, Keith and Emmitt will age instantaneously unless they start hawking Just For Scabs. As for us, we make our living (BARELY – and then spend it all on MTM) producing and acting in commercials – all of which are sanctioned by SAG. So, if the dopey actors and greedy producers can’t figure out how to split a boatload of money, there will be no commercials, TV shows or movies – unless the individuals in them (see Ellen Degenerate) cross the picket line. The skinny on this is the internet. Since it’s a new medium, there is no deal in place governing usage and pay scales. Producers want to take a commercial, show or movie and slap it on the ever-expanding Information Super Highway (thanks to Al Gore) without really compensating those in it. The actors, being strung along by old-school geezers like Ed Asner and Kent McCord, are asking for too much. In fact, the Writer’s Guild went through a difficult strike basically over the same issues and eventually hammered out a deal. The Director’s Guild and AFTRA (actors pay dues to two unions that producers pit against each other) signed similar contracts shortly thereafter without much fanfare. Granted, AFTRA is misguided by similar nitwits but at least they won’t have people making very little completely out of work during a recession. That’s what SAG will be doing. So, assuming there will be a strike, we give the following list of pro sport celebs we see forsaking the strike and going on camera:
Pacman Jones – not Adam
T.O. – he’s a tad self-centered
Alex Rodriguez – lost any sense of reality
Curt Schilling – doesn’t like unions
Maria Sharapova – Russians kill strikers
Mark Cuban – needs to deflect heat from insider trading thing
Hank Steinbrenner – any press is good press
Carlos Delgado – American institutions mean nothing
Frank Gifford – anything to get back on camera
There you have it, our compilation of Celebrity Sports Scabs for your perusal and black-listing. Feel free to pass it along. That’s all for today, please chime in, cuddle with a loved one or paid professional and look for Rex O’Rourke tomorrow. P.s… We’ll be putting up our latest segment tomorrow. It explains how we were fully responsible for the dismal baseball season.
*Tod is Tennessee Johnny in our new cut of the Roy Hobbs piece and also is in bed with us during our wakeup promo.
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Rex O'Rourke
Posts:204
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| 11-22-2008 - SelecA - |
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| Correction, it's not the information super highway, it's a series of tubes. |
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Officer Bob
Posts:54
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| 11-22-2008 - SelecA - |
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| I don't know about that Rex but I do know I get some great 'corn' off of it... Matts, you should have had the Tennessee Johnny tidbit as a trivia question. I'd add Jerry Jones to list just for signing Pacman and T.O. |
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Alexander Boris de Pfeffel Johnson
Posts:31
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| 11-22-2008 - SelecA - |
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| We have a few dodgy knaves over here as well - mainly Americans mingling in our football; Malcolm Glazer! You yanks could use a Sir Alex Ferguson or two! |
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Vinny From Brooklyn
Posts:143
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| 11-22-2008 - SelecA - |
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| Put Belichik on that list - tha a hole could care less about anybody... And you could put Mr. Wang, owner of my Isles on that list. People dont know about him because he hides in Farmingdale but he is an idiot. How the Devils can get five goal against us is ridiculous. |
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ANGRYWARD
Posts:765
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| 11-22-2008 - SelecA - |
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| Wait a minute, let me get this straight, a world without commercials? And I'm supposed to be upset about this? Clearly I don't want you guys to suffer, but this stuff sickens me the same way sports strikes do. Both sides are making tons of money and they still can't make it work. As Yankee Joe would say: boo hoo. |
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ActiveForums 3.6
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How Philly Won |
One Of Our First
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ROY HOBBS ON STEROIDS??? |
MEAGHAN & JAKE: COOLEST FANS |
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Nobody Remembers The Loser |
Giant/Super Tuesday |
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MATTS-MATICS: Hockey Nuts Go At It |
See us on: "Law & Order" |
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MATT FACTS:
Plaxico Burress is no longer spokesman for Thigh Master. Chad Pennington is NOT a Brett Favre fan... Hillary Clinton and Don Nelson have never been seen in the same place... Jerry Manuel is not related to Charlie ManuelJerry Manuel is not related to Charlie Manuel... Somebody namd Michel coaches the Pittsburgh Penguins... Tiki Barber quit the Giants. The Giants then won the Super Bowl... The New England Patriots only lost ONE game out of 19!!! Aaron Heilman was actually funny in re to Eli and Plaxico Burress helping the Mets as a pitcher and outfielder, respectively. Repeat, Heilman was funny... Jessica Simpson would rather date Tom Brady - trust us... Eli Manning is better than Archie - now... Alyssa Milano is a Met fan. RRRRR... Rickey Henderson speaks in the 3rd Person... Shawn Green has big ears... Howard Johnson likes to stay at the Holiday Inn, ironically... Sandy Alomar, Sr. is the youngest of 9 kids. That's why he was quick around the dish. Jiminy Cricket was the Philly Phanatic in a previous life…Fred Wilpon is pals with Sandy Koufax... Mike Ditka is a really tough guy.. Buffalo has a Triple A baseball team. They are NOT called The Snowballs... Chan Ho Park has people thinking of naming a ballfield after him - it would be called Chan Ho Park Park... John Maine has never been, oddly enough, to Maine... Curt Gowdy, Jr. has never been to Yellow Knife, Canada... Kevin Mitchell played 6 positions for the Mets in '86 and, according to Doc Gooden's book, didn't like cats... John Olerud & Wayne Gretzky have never been seen in the same place... Kevin McReynolds now makes his living doing laugh tracks for sit-coms... Tony Gwynn is nearing 300 lbs... Carlos Beltran has Mercedes Benz dealerships named for him in Barcelona, Spain... Willie Montanez was called Guillermo by Lenny Randle... Rusty Staub beat Jeff Kent in a race – TODAY... Jay Horwitz is a dynamite Cricket players – somebody said... Jeff Wilpon was a decent minor league catcher... Ziggy Palfy lives in Slovakia and is a big Met fan... Superman Returns, yet still can’t hit Billy Wagner... David Wright will win the Triple Crown – on a horse... Omar Minaya is Tobey McGuire’s stunt-double in Spider Man 3... Hilary Clinton has Mr. Met pajamas – we think... Albert Einstein was a HUGE Met fan... The Metropolitan Opera House was named for the Mets after their 2nd season in ’63... Wally Backman, ’86 sparkplug, considered changing his name to Wally Back-Matt... Neil Allen and Mike Stanton, former Mets, have Allen & Stanton Streets on Lower East Side named for them.
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