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There once was a man from Nantucket
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Subject: Substitute

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Sam's-a-fan
Posts:708

06-28-2008 - SelecP - Alert 
Bloomingdales, NY, NY -

"I was born with a plastic spoon in my mouth" - Pete Townsend

Here I am fresh off a post stating categorically that I am not fit to start a string on this or any web site, thinking that all I have to do today is survive the bridal registry at Bloomingdales and Crate & Barrel, and I'm back on my couch with the AC blasting and the sights of the Met game on the tube while the sounds are coming to me via the radio (Ha! Tim McCarver and Joe Buck, I don't have to listen to your blather). While I'm staring at some fine bone china, or was it porcelain, thinking what's wrong with the mismatched set I liberated from a Worcester, MA Friendlys back in college my phone rings and it's Matt M. from Meetthematts.com He informs me that the information super highway does not, much to his dismay, stop at Cooperstown, and he and Matt O. are unable to post today. While I know that the physical travel problems getting to Coopertown have been well documented on this site lately, but I can't believe that you can't get the internet. Frankly I think Al Gore's information super highway does stop at Cooperstown, but I think that Matt&Matt simply got lost along the way. Took a wrong turn at ChicksWhoDigBaldGuys.com perhaps. "Matt!" I say, "I can't help you out I've got a full day of table settings and duvet covers ahead of me, how can I possibly get a post up in time to satisfy the MTM faithful?" "Do whatever you can SAF old pal," says Matt "We're counting on you!" "And hey, if you do well" Matt tells me, "Maybe some of the regulars will get you that Hummel figurine you've always wanted, heh heh heh!" and he hangs up.

So here I am with the strains of The Who running through my head "I was born with a plastic spoon in my mouth." staring at mile after mile of flatware and wondering "Where in the world are the sporks?" knowing that I have to get through all this so that I can get home, get on the computer and help out the Matts with a post that will probably be as well received as my telling Paula that we do need to register for Pilsner glasses, full British pint glasses, and a wide variety of shot glasses, but I do not care what she drinks zinfandale out of.

I'm home now (obviously or there would be no post) and I'm watching the Mets aggravate the hell out of me (nice job getting picked off at 2nd Jose!) while Joe Buck and Tim McCarver (jokes on me, the radio doesn't work in the living room) spoon feed me the finer points of baseball. So now I'm going to go enjoy a cold Magic Hat #9 (one of the finer craft brews from the great state of VT) out of the bottle and hope that you all have had a better day than me. I doubt it though, because I'm marrying Paula on September 21st and nothing else matters.
West Coast Craig
Posts:129

06-28-2008 - SelecP - Alert 
See, that wasn't so hard! Long Live Rock!

I can't stand McCarver either. I was psyched when Prime Time Deion dumped a bucket all over him in the locker room after the 1992 NL championships. "You're a real man, Deion!" Awesome!
Grote2DMax
Posts:301

06-28-2008 - SelecP - Alert 
Sam I must ask you this in all seriousness, are you marrying Paula Abdul?
Cookie
Posts:373

06-29-2008 - SelecA - Alert 
Yeah.. now wasn't that easier than choosing between the Vera Wang and Lenox china patterns?

The best thing for my husband (then fiancee) about the registry thing was using the scanning gun. He was the first with hands on it for about 5 minutes and then the novelty wore off. He added a small frying pan (for his eggs) and although i told him it wasn't a good idea... he gunned it and never got it.

He did, however.. get the pilsner glasses from Crate and Barrel. So, while I suggest you go there and rack those up on the registry, if you get them.. you'll never use them. #9 tastes the best right out of the bottle.
Sam's-a-fan
Posts:708

06-29-2008 - SelecA - Alert 
Grote, While the fetching Paula Abdul is a below the radar Jew, she is not the nice Jewish girl I'm going to marry 12 weeks from today. When I caught Ms. Abdul with animated cat hair on her back in the early 90s it was all over. That and Arsenio drunk dialing all the time were the deal breakers.
david
Posts:401

06-29-2008 - SelecP - Alert 
hey sam, excellent job. i knew you had it in you, you're one of the top posters here. always something insightful and witty to say. wondering if the cooperstown weekend is running into monday since there's no word from our matts as yet. maybe they're pickled in carbonite and propped up in the hall?
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MATT FACTS:
Chad Pennington is NOT a Brett Favre fan... Hillary Clinton and Don Nelson have never been  seen in the same place... Jerry Manuel is not related to Charlie ManuelJerry Manuel is not related to Charlie Manuel... Somebody namd Michel coaches the Pittsburgh Penguins... Tiki Barber quit the Giants. The Giants then won the Super Bowl... The New England Patriots only lost ONE game out of 19!!! Aaron Heilman was actually funny in re to Eli and Plaxico Burress helping the Mets as a pitcher and outfielder, respectively. Repeat, Heilman was funny... Jessica Simpson would rather date Tom Brady - trust us... Eli Manning is better than Archie - now... Alyssa Milano is a Met fan. RRRRR... Rickey Henderson speaks in the 3rd Person... Shawn Green has big ears... Howard Johnson likes to stay at the Holiday Inn, ironically... Sandy Alomar, Sr. is the youngest of 9 kids. That's why he was quick around the dish. Jiminy Cricket was  the Philly Phanatic in a previous life…Fred Wilpon is pals  with Sandy Koufax... Mike Ditka is a really tough guy.. Buffalo has a Triple A baseball team. They are NOT called The Snowballs... Chan Ho Park has people thinking of naming a ballfield after him - it would be called Chan Ho Park Park... John Maine has never been, oddly enough, to Maine... Curt Gowdy, Jr. has never been to Yellow Knife, Canada... Kevin Mitchell played 6 positions for the Mets in '86 and, according to Doc Gooden's book, didn't like cats... John Olerud & Wayne Gretzky have never been seen in the same place... Kevin McReynolds now makes his living doing laugh tracks for sit-coms... Tony Gwynn is nearing 300 lbs... Carlos Beltran has Mercedes Benz dealerships named for him in Barcelona, Spain... Willie Montanez was called Guillermo by Lenny Randle... Rusty Staub beat Jeff Kent in a race – TODAY... Jay Horwitz is a dynamite Cricket players – somebody said... Jeff Wilpon was a decent minor league catcher... Ziggy Palfy lives in Slovakia and is a big Met fan... Superman Returns, yet still can’t hit Billy Wagner... David Wright will win the Triple Crown – on a horse... Omar Minaya is Tobey McGuire’s stunt-double in Spider Man 3... Hilary Clinton has Mr. Met pajamas – we think... Albert Einstein was a HUGE Met fan... The Metropolitan Opera House was named for the Mets after their 2nd season in ’63... Wally Backman, ’86 sparkplug, considered changing his name to Wally Back-Matt... Neil Allen and Mike Stanton, former Mets, have Allen & Stanton Streets on Lower East Side named for them.

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