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Spring Break Training PART I |
Spring Break Training PART II |
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SABRES, PENS, SHOTGUNS & METS |
BILL BUCKNER WAS INNOCENT |
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Rex O'Rourke
Posts:155
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| 06-07-2008 - SelecP - |
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Torrey Pines Golf Courses, San Diego, Ca – During this year’s U.S. Open telecast, golf fans from every corner of the globe will dent sofa cushions, ingest heart clogging amounts of grilled meats, and endure the inevitable barrage of investment, luxury car, and male “performance” commercials, in order to watch grown men in silly pants vie for our National Championship. I for one will be rooting for the same I’ve pined for at every major tourney for years; a Tiger/Phil final group pairing on Sunday. Recently, it has occurred to me that pro golfers are playing a game with which I am just not familiar. As a high handicapper currently committing to retooling my swing (some would say my handicap IS my swing) I’ve realized that there are certain aspects to the game of golf which all duffers must endure. On the rare occasion I’m putting for birdie, I’ll three putt for bogey. If I leave the first wedge short, the second is going over the green. No matter what hole I’m playing, it’s always into the wind. If I’m playing well, a rainstorm of Biblical proportions will commence. If I’m struggling it will remain the most beautiful day since time began. If I hit a good approach shot, I’ll lose it in the sunlight and be robbed of the rare joy of seeing the ball roll on to the dance floor. If I hit a drive 270 yards it will roll two yards off the fairway and I won’t be able to find it. I’m always above the hole, so naturally I’ll leave the first putt short so I can putt downhill a second time. I’ll definitely play with a guy who drinks a beer a hole and gets better with each shot. Conversely, I’ll have one beer at the turn and start playing like Jerry Lewis. One of my senior citizen playing partners will out drive me despite sporting a pacemaker scar bigger than Krusty the Clown’s. The water on a golf course is magnetized or has extra gravity or something, I swear! If I play golf in the fall, the one leaf from the one tree that’s losing its leaves will, you guessed it, cover my ball. I will get caught behind a group standing over each shot like it’s the final round of The Masters. If I’m thirsty for a G2 on 3, the cart girl’s on 17. Now you might think that I’m disillusioned and bitter but I’m not. I’m just like millions of idiots that pay for the pleasure of torturing ourselves. We all search for that one day when we put it all together, when the ball rolls true, when we hit the driver on the screws, when we drain a couple of putts. Will it happen? It’s not likely in my lifetime. The journey is half the battle anyway, and at least it’s a day out in the fresh air. In the meantime, I’ll fire up the Grill Master 5000, have a Maker’s Mark with Dad on Father’s Day, and watch Mickelson finally get it done at the Open, narrowly edging Adam Scott, Boo Weekley, Sergio Garcia and a rusty Tiger Woods.
Oh, I almost forgot Rex’s golden rule of golf; carts and especially Mulligans, are for sissies!
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West Coast Craig
Posts:129
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| 06-08-2008 - SelecA - |
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| Excellent summation. I think we must play the same style of golf, at the same courses...and behind the same group of seniors who take forever lining up their putts or going through their pre-swing rituals (only to accidentally knock the ball off the tee and then start the whole routine over again). |
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West Coast Craig
Posts:129
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| 06-08-2008 - SelecA - |
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| Excellent summation. I think we must play the same style of golf, at the same courses...and behind the same group of seniors who take forever lining up their putts or going through their pre-swing rituals (only to accidentally knock the ball off the tee and then start the whole routine over again). |
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Grote2DMax
Posts:301
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| 06-08-2008 - SelecA - |
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| Nice Rex. Grote's top 3 groups you don't want to play behind: 1) Non U.S. Asians 2) Bachelor parties 3) Women. Thus, non U.S. Asian women in bachelorette parties are DEADLY. |
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Janet
Posts:188
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| 06-08-2008 - SelecA - |
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Grote2DMax - we have a PROBLEM.
Rex - that is the best description of the most insufferable game that I've ever witnessed! I do torture myself with it though. |
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Grote2DMax
Posts:301
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| 06-08-2008 - SelecA - |
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Sorry Janet, but for me personally it is true (though I'm sure there are loads of women who are much better golfers than me). In the first annual Meet the Matts Celebrity Golf Outing (date, time and location TBA) I'd love to see the dream foursome of Yankees Suck, Yankee Joe, B Cox and Philly Phanatic. Just don't put me behind the foursome of Cookie, Janet, Mrs. Matt and Linda  . |
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ActiveForums 3.6
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ROY HOBBS ON STEROIDS??? |
MEAGHAN & JAKE: COOLEST FANS |
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Nobody Remembers The Loser |
Giant/Super Tuesday |
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MATTS-MATICS: Hockey Nuts Go At It |
See us on: "Law & Order" |
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MATT FACTS:
Chad Pennington is NOT a Brett Favre fan... Hillary Clinton and Don Nelson have never been seen in the same place... Jerry Manuel is not related to Charlie ManuelJerry Manuel is not related to Charlie Manuel... Somebody namd Michel coaches the Pittsburgh Penguins... Tiki Barber quit the Giants. The Giants then won the Super Bowl... The New England Patriots only lost ONE game out of 19!!! Aaron Heilman was actually funny in re to Eli and Plaxico Burress helping the Mets as a pitcher and outfielder, respectively. Repeat, Heilman was funny... Jessica Simpson would rather date Tom Brady - trust us... Eli Manning is better than Archie - now... Alyssa Milano is a Met fan. RRRRR... Rickey Henderson speaks in the 3rd Person... Shawn Green has big ears... Howard Johnson likes to stay at the Holiday Inn, ironically... Sandy Alomar, Sr. is the youngest of 9 kids. That's why he was quick around the dish. Jiminy Cricket was the Philly Phanatic in a previous life…Fred Wilpon is pals with Sandy Koufax... Mike Ditka is a really tough guy.. Buffalo has a Triple A baseball team. They are NOT called The Snowballs... Chan Ho Park has people thinking of naming a ballfield after him - it would be called Chan Ho Park Park... John Maine has never been, oddly enough, to Maine... Curt Gowdy, Jr. has never been to Yellow Knife, Canada... Kevin Mitchell played 6 positions for the Mets in '86 and, according to Doc Gooden's book, didn't like cats... John Olerud & Wayne Gretzky have never been seen in the same place... Kevin McReynolds now makes his living doing laugh tracks for sit-coms... Tony Gwynn is nearing 300 lbs... Carlos Beltran has Mercedes Benz dealerships named for him in Barcelona, Spain... Willie Montanez was called Guillermo by Lenny Randle... Rusty Staub beat Jeff Kent in a race – TODAY... Jay Horwitz is a dynamite Cricket players – somebody said... Jeff Wilpon was a decent minor league catcher... Ziggy Palfy lives in Slovakia and is a big Met fan... Superman Returns, yet still can’t hit Billy Wagner... David Wright will win the Triple Crown – on a horse... Omar Minaya is Tobey McGuire’s stunt-double in Spider Man 3... Hilary Clinton has Mr. Met pajamas – we think... Albert Einstein was a HUGE Met fan... The Metropolitan Opera House was named for the Mets after their 2nd season in ’63... Wally Backman, ’86 sparkplug, considered changing his name to Wally Back-Matt... Neil Allen and Mike Stanton, former Mets, have Allen & Stanton Streets on Lower East Side named for them.
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